May 2, Party Game

1. Raise your glass.
2. Keep quiet for a second.
3. Shed a tear.
4. Shed another tear.
5. Shed enough tears to fill the glass to the brim.
6. Say, loud and clear:
”To absent friends!
To distant lovers!
To hell approaching!
To heaven waiting!
To sandstorms dancing!
To oceans singing!
To preachers crying!
To nurses laughing!
To strong drinks helping!
To soft words helping!
To light touches
and sweet lips
and strong hearts
and brave eyes
and honest hands,
all reaching out
to say:
here
and here
and here
and here
and here”.
7. Drink. All of it.
8. Put the glass back down.
9. Have lots
and lots
and lots
and lots
and lots
and lots
and lots
and lots
and lots
and lots
and lots
and lots
and lots
of fun.
10. You win!

April 18, Mythomania Game

1. Tell your boss that he’s doing a great job
OR
that he looks good
OR
that he smells wonderful
OR
that he is a real “people person”.
2. Tell a beggar that you don’t have anything to spare.
Nothing at all.
Really.
3. Tell your mother you’ll call her.
4. Tell someone pretty that their face
is “geometrically unsound”.
5. Sing the national anthem
with your hand on your heart.
6. Tell all your friends
that you are their friend.
7. Tell all your friends
that voting is super important,
and that you sure vote,
and for the right party too,
and that people who don’t vote
don’t have the right to complain anyway.
8. Tell yourself that you won this game.
9. Keep a straight face, champ.

April 6, Deckhand Game

1. Lift your glass and sing, my friend.
(why sit there all deaf and quiet?)
2. Tell me, tell me, what it was like in my wife’s home?
3. Did you kiss there? For fuck sake, tell me!
4. Shut the fuck up!
5. Look at me, goddammit!
6. Shut the fuck up!

March 16, Collywobbles Game

1. Close your eyes tight.
2. Sweat profusely.
3. Tighten your shoulders and back.
4. Clench your teeth.
5. Stop.
6. Do it again.
7. Text your “friends”, and ask them for help.
8. Capture them as they step through the door.
9. Report them to your local dietician.
10. Wait for it all to trickle down.

January 22, Taxi Game

1. Talk to a friendly local cab driver.
2. Have this person punch you in the stomach.
3. Have this person shove you to the ground.
4. Have this person kick you while you’re down.
5. Have this person drive you to the ER.
6. Tell this person to keep the change and ask if they enjoyed playing this game.

IF this person did enjoy it: add this contact to your list of future allies.
ELSE: start over once you get out of the hospital.